Liz is back with the second of her instalments as she moves through her own divorce! This week she bravely shares with us one of her ‘silver linings’ after she realised she needed to move ‘back home’. Divorce throws so many curve balls but having the safety and security of good friends and family can never be more valuable than when things are tough.
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I was very reluctant to do it.
I resisted for months…at least six.
I wanted to do it on my own. I’m an independent woman, you know.
But in the end, at the half-way point of my separation, I moved home to live with my parents. I was a mess; struggling financially and emotionally. I even considered “going back” to my ex-husband purely I thought because it would be easier than this place I now found myself in.
But I vowed I’d never do that.
I also vowed, ever since I let home at 17, that I’d never move back in with Mum and Dad. Not for any other reason than that I was a big girl and that I could do it on my own. Mum said: “You technically wouldn’t be moving back home; you’d simply be allowing us to look after you. That’s what parents do. We look after our children.” I didn’t need to be “looked after” – I was fine. Only, I wasn’t and I did. I just hadn’t admitted that to myself.
“Plenty of people move back in with their parents for many reasons, Elizabeth,” she’d said. “To save money, when they are building a new home, before they go travelling, some never even move out. And, yes, when their marriage breaks down.”
“Fine, but only for a couple of weeks,” I said.
As reluctant as I was – I felt like a complete failure. I felt defeated but then something truly beautiful happened. It’s one of several things I can write down as a happy period during what can be generally a very dark time of your life.
I got a surprise.
My parents are actually really cool people. Not only as parents but as actual individuals. Shock, horror!
I have been “home” in Cairns for almost a couple of months now and it’s truly been uplifting and inspiring being home with my Mum and Dad. They own a business, so we talk shop. We workshop ideas. We have breakfast every morning at 7.30am. We go out for picnics. We just chill. We reminisce. We talk of the future. We dream. It’s fun.
It has been one of the best decisions for my financial and emotional health since I’ve been separated.
Here’s why:
- I have been able to get on top of my debt.
- I’ve been seeing an amazing counsellor.
- I feel happier and stronger.
- I’m back into a routine.
- I’ve curbed my alcohol intake (newly single, hello party!).
- I’ve been running (hello muscle definition in my legs. Amen).
- I’ve taken time to think about what I truly want in my life.
- I’ve got my business booming again.
- And all of this coupled with my amazing Mum and Dad has stabilised my mental health too. I honestly felt like I was going insane before “moving home”.
Another great moment that has come from my separation and my temporary (maybe) move to Cairns has been that I also get to hang out with my youngest sister. We haven’t spent much time together as adults and we haven’t lived in the same city since I left home when she was 11. She’s a real sweetheart.
I’m truly blessed to have such amazing people in my life. Of course, we all know this, but for me, it’s being separated that’s allowed me to spend more time with my family.
It’s also one of my biggest life lessons from this life change so far (one of many). Family comes first. Always. Period.
Life is a choice. I made a very big and tough decision to leave my husband. Whether separation it’s your choice or one that’s been thrust upon you. I’m choosing to be happy and healthy. I choose to find the joy in what has been the most upheaval and stress I’ve ever gone through. It’s a means of survival for me.
I hope you can too.
